The silent treatment in a long distance relationship? It’s a method of psychological punishment and manipulation we’ve all probably used or experienced at some point, whether we were aware of it or … There are probably as many areas of overlap as there are distinctions between the silent treatment and estrangement, but for this post, let’s focus on some of the differences: As its name indicates, the silent treatment is something that’s done to somebody. Both the silent treatment and estrangement can leave rejectees feeling powerless and resentful. And in situations where leaving is hard and dealing with narcissism, consider 'gray rock.'. This analysis works for you because it happens to fit your stew; but that's just your example _ perhaps it 'happens' to work 'for you'. I won't play. Lately (this past year) he's started giving me the silent treatment. If someone is giving you the silent treatment you don't have to protect yourself from being blasted. The silent treatment is a way to inflict pain without visible bruising – literally. Psychology Today… If someone hurts you and you tell them that what they've done hurts you and why it hurts you and they hurt you again, then would you attempt to communicate with them better? Ignoring a person communicates power over them. It affects everyone and everything. The University of Toulouse study suggests that people will react with silence when they believe they’re … Sep 2, 2015 - It's no secret that long-distance relationships take a lot of work. This article tries to FORCE differences/distinction where they really don't necessarily exist and create parameters for the silent treatment definition where there are no parameters before. The silent treatment is an abuse tactic employed by psychologically ill people, PERIOD and should be called out as such, not sugar coated in some warped bizarroland gaslighting mumbo jumbo. It may range from just sulking to malevolent abusive controlling behaviour.It may be a … The author would be better informed to write an article about "Is the reason you are receiving the silent treatment because the person has detached from you?" How I Controlled Communication With My Narcissistic Mother, 10 Words or Phrases That Convey Intelligence and Nuance, Psychology Today © 2020 Sussex Publishers, LLC, What to Do About Vaccine Hesitancy During COVID-19, New Findings Reveal Benefits of Ketamine for Depression, Ketamine Combats Depression via Unique Molecular Mechanisms, The Strongest Predictors of Sexual Desire, Pedantic Article, More Complex Examples, Not One Size Solution, Sad Try to Redefine Silent Treatment to Promote Estrangement Biz, Excellent Maybe for Your PARTICULAR Case ...So not so much. Some people even refuse to acknowledge their partners’ existence for hours, days, or weeks, making the partners feel as if they are somehow less than human, like a ghost. The silent treatment can happen in romantic relationships or any type of relationship, including between parents and children, friends, and co-workers. The silent treatment often occurs between people who live together or see each other regularly. This article is irresponsible at best and defending the abusive personality disordered at worst. The best way to deal with a partner who is giving you the silent treatment is to … Silent treatments are what snotty teenagers do. Previous research has … It happens when one partner pressures the other with requests, criticism or complaints and is met with avoidance or … Such behavior can morph into long-term estrangement before you realize what’s happening. ... person you love on a daily basis, so you shouldn't tolerate prolonged silence. - Reddit The silent treatment can be used as an abusive tactic that is the adult narcissist’s version of a child’s “holding my breath until you give in and give me what I want.” EMAIL. Then you see his true self. The estrangement is for my protection from this kind of abuse and both the silent treatment and resulting estrangement feel like what is described in this article. The silent treatment is characterized by a group of behaviors with the objective of ignoring the other. He blew the month’s grocery budget fixing his motorcycle, and his wife hasn’t spoken a word to him in 3 days.”, Estrangement: “Rick doesn’t talk to his brother. embarrassment, fear, uncertainty of words at the moment, etc. This article is just wrong for so many reasons. OTOH I am having difficulty understanding what you are trying to convey in your critique. This is a very irresponsible article that is not a characterization of the 'silent treatment' but attempts to remove attributions from the silent treatment in order to call it 'estrangement' - apparently serving the author's attempt to promote 'family estrangement' There are SO many things wrong with this article and it should be retracted as it is very misleading. Coparenting With an Ex: Battleground vs. Common Ground. Or you want to postpone discussing it for when the you feel more courageous. FROM BUSTLE It's still called the silent treatment (by a person who has become detached). FROM TINY BUDDHA The silent treatment is the refusal to engage in verbal communication with someone, often as a response to conflict in a relationship. Also referred to as giving the cold shoulder or stonewalling, its use is a … That's the worst - they do nothing, say nothing that to explain themselves and reassure you that they care. Long-distance Boyfriend Gives Silent Treatment | Relationship Talk It's a frustrating and ineffective tactic. But other people who detach can detach differently. THIS AUTHOR REFUSES TO SEE THAT SILENT TREATMENT DOES OCCUR IN LONG DISTANCE RELATIONSHIPS SEE THE LINKS BELOW. It has been over a year since we have had a proper conversation. But the silent treatment is only one form of detaching. Your version of silent treatment kinda sounds like "ghosting:" Where some one text messages, emails, or reaches out to some one on Facebook, but they completely ignore the other person's texts. The key to being closer in the good times lies in the way a couple treats … I did not block him, as many recommend. More correct would be that the person is giving the silent treatment because they are detaching. You seem very, very angry and no one needs that negativity when seeking health services. I agree to a large extent. no, not really. Also if you really are a health pro, what is your name, so I can know who not to see for health issues. But Your Attitude is Excellent. Opening Communication Stay calm. Ostracism is severe emotionally abusive punishment. This article is blatantly INACCURATE and IRRESPONSIBLE and attempts to redefine what the silent treatment is in order to serve this definition of "estrangement." He didn't. Aug 15, 2010 - 11 posts - 5 authors... Thus, while the silent treatment is often understood as a response to a specific behavior, estrangement may have the flavor of a mystery. I feel it's justified to walk. Otherwise, I'm with you and agree that closing that interaction/relationship is paramount. Is this immature? In contrast, we've seen that the purpose of estrangement is self-protection — and that purpose is ongoing as long as the target appears not to want to change the offending behavior. Estrangement is a silent epidemic affecting all kinds of people. We should teach this disposition. ... according to Psychology Today. Tina Gilbertson, LPC, is the author of Reconnecting with Your Estranged Adult Child and Constructive Wallowing: How to Beat Bad Feelings By Letting Yourself Have Them. Shame on the author and shame on whoever let this even be put in Psychology today. This has caused me a lot of stress." I'm completely at a loss. It may sometimes be a necessary component of self-protection, even at the level of the silent treatment used to force change. Memory Catcher. If someone makes you uncomfortable and after attempts to convey this information they continue to do so, would you keep trying to tell them that their actions make you uncomfortable? This article really helped me to sort out what was happening in my recently ended relationship. My ex had a habit of giving me the silent treatment for wanting to discuss the issues in our relationship. He knows why I cut off, something he never offered me. Well, no. LDR Silent Treatment - Tiny Buddha I find myself searching my mind for what I did that could have offended her. OK, do your own thing now. Eventual relief is a hope, not a given. Subscribe to This Blog. As stated elsewhere, this is an irresponsible article. The silent treatment is part of what's called a "demand-withdraw" pattern. TWEET. This is the most painful and frustrating thing I have ever experienced in life. What Really Goes on in the Mind of a Cheater? It is not detachment. Their actions are no longer your problem once you've done everything in your power to try to resolve the issue. Excellent attitude. There are situations when being silent means you deny that there’s a problem. I think this is due to some personality disorder she has. Posted Dec 20, 2013 . "From my experience working with couples, the silent treatment is often used as a punishment and therefore I find it to be ineffective the majority of the time," marriage and family therapist, ... she has decided to take the high road, which is a road to love and understanding, according to Psychology Today… Estrangement happens in all kinds of relationships, and it is self-protective. The problem is she is giving me the silent treatment for a week. It can be a fleeting reaction to a … Use … In my case I often go cold turkey on someone when they aren't very nice to me so I distance myself politely away from them so that I can sort out my feelings without being mean myself. There’s the conviction that “this will be over one day,” making it psychologically manageable, albeit very unpleasant. The impact that narcissism has had on your life is hard. I think this author is well informed and offers helpful insights. Posted Oct 25, 2011 The chaplain knew those two from before I came… He never took time to get to know me, and … Both types of emotional cutoffs can destroy relationships. That just adds drama to the situation. Yesterday, I tried ... After reading another similar long distance relationship story The silent treatment is a passive aggressive form of emotional abuse and is commonly used as a weapon by divorcing couples. It came from nowhere and left me completelt gutted. And so an overarching 'course of action' does not exist. But it's still an unresolved dysfunction of relationship. The Silent Treatment is not the "opposite of detachment". I chose this time to avoid the pain from now on and we are now estranged. Seek out a professional. Get the help you need from a therapist near you–a FREE service from Psychology Today. ALSO _Silence can also be for MULTIPLE reasons not just punitive as your pscyh today colleague writes - eg. So far, she has given me the silent treatment twice, refusing calls and messages, and when she does this, it's very painful and frustrating for me. Oct 13, 2013 - My boyfriend and I have been in a long distance relationship for nearly three years. But it's still the silent treatment, and it's still punishment regardless of whether or not it contains a hope for the other person to change, or the conclusion that they will never change. Someone just starts doing it and you don't even know what you did to offend them. In general, the silent treatment is a sign of abusive control or punishment, as explained in Psych Central. In time, estrangement may eat away at self-esteem, confidence, and quality of life. Detachment may be a reason; but if that detached person is giving the silent treatment...guess what? The antidote, for many, is better communication. They’ve been estranged for years.”. The silent treatment is not necessarily punitive, either. My Boyfriend Gives Me The Silent Treatment Oct 30, 2012 What is the Narcissist silent treatment? If you're suffering in silence — or because of it — your relationship may be more endangered than you realize, according to new research that shows those whose interactions include … not a thesis. - Pretty common sense actually; EXAMPLE you get in a phone argument with an SO, the one stops talking to the other for some time = ST, then after make-up etc. The silent treatment is the most common pattern of conflict in marriage or any committed, established romantic relationship. So, I chose estrangement. Estrangement, on the other hand, may occur under the same roof or from thousands of miles away. Your first reaction may be frustration, anger, or upset. To be frank, the silent treatment … Cutting off family members or giving the silent treatment is emotional abuse - An immature act of revenge, power and control. I find it to put my situations into a clear light. Long Distance Relationship Silent Treatment Mar 5, 2015 They are not mutually exclusive. Let’s face it: There are people in the world who are very difficult for anyone to get along with. Will not to get into the weeds on this issue. W e just have update about the kids and when im asking for some money because I'm financially depended on him . AGAINST FAMILY CUT OFFS AND SILENT TREATMENT. That is another concern for continuing this article as it does not delve deep at all into the complexities and oversimplifies a complex issue. They do not pull away because you've hurt their little feelings, but because you spent five dollars too much at the grocery, asked him/her a question they didn't want to answer, or asked for assurance that they really do care about you. The simple psychology behind the silent treatment is to ridicule the opposing person by making them feel invisible, insignificant, and neglected. psychology of the silent treatment. Definitely the silent treatment can be used as a form of control to force others to behave the way that the person wants them to. In other words, when a person gives you the silent treatment … She'll shift from being totally into me, constantly telling me how much she loves and appreciates me, and then she'll suddenly be cold and uncommunicative. How I Controlled Communication With My Narcissistic Mother, 10 Words or Phrases That Convey Intelligence and Nuance, Psychology Today © 2020 Sussex Publishers, LLC, What to Do About Vaccine Hesitancy During COVID-19, New Findings Reveal Benefits of Ketamine for Depression, Ketamine Combats Depression via Unique Molecular Mechanisms, The Strongest Predictors of Sexual Desire. It’s hard to administer any kind of “treatment” to someone who’s not around. Setting boundaries is healthier and is necessary in life. Once the treatment has had its intended effect, it comes to an end. Children should never learn what the silent treatment is, or how to apply it, or what it feels like to be on the receiving end. I'm a woman by the way and silent treatment/estrangement has it's place in society. the couple starts talking again....and this goes on over and over again. No. It’s done on purpose, and its purpose is to send the message, “I don’t like what you did.”. The silent treatment is an inherently optimistic tactic: If I stop talking to you because of something you did, I’m sending you a message that I hope for better behavior in the future. In my house. The pain of the experience may be intense, but it’s short-lived. Every treatment has a goal, and the aim of the silent treatment is to shame, punish, or warn someone who has crossed a line. But sometimes I feel like there are times in which people need a break from someone who has hurt them deeply or betrayed them and so may not want to talk to them for some time, which is sad but what if its justified? I just wouldn't dub it the silent treatment/estrangement, however. The Silent Treatment: When People Leave You Guessing There's probably no communication more misquoted than silence. When has two wrongs every made a right? And not all those who use the silent treatment, choose estrangement as a coping mechanism, or resort to control by ostracism learned it at home or from their parents. " We would like the other person to change in some way, but we don’t think they’re either willing or capable of it, so we resolve to keep our distance to maintain our peace of mind. I'm always ready to talk, but the silent treatment is a game with control as the prize. Estrangement happens when one person pulls away from another in order to protect him or herself from experiencing harm. I didn't want to hurt anymore. The best predictor of divorce isn’t whether a couple fights – arguments are inevitable – but how a couple fights. … I know it's hard being a single parent. My ex boyfriend used to ignore texts, calls and messaging when he gave the silent treatment. Better communication skills can eradicate a large portion of needless emotional cutoff and a source of deep pain for many. Really? When our daughter was three, I'd had enough and filed for divorce. Cutting someone off because they won't or can't change is not any kinder than cutting someone off until they change.". The excuse/reason of self-protection may make estrangement seem more palatable than the silent treatment. Sudden Silent Treatment Feb 9, 2014 It hurts to give someone the silent treatment. Being silent … I raised our daughter by myself for 18 years (really her whole life). Im emotionally drained. The silent treatment, sometimes called "the cold shoulder," is the purposeful exclusion of one party from social interactions. The content of this field is kept private and will not be shown publicly. No. Cutting someone off because they won't or can't change is not any kinder than cutting someone off until they change. Further still, poor coping skills in the face of a counter … Family Estrangement: Aberration or Common Occurrence? While it’s … If someone cuts off another person as punishment, it is the silent treatment, no matter how long it lasts. We see it in all types of relationship: couples, friends, parents and children, relatives, etc. But staying to be abused is intolerable. Any self respecting person would stop themselves from being hurt. My brother had BPD, and she might as well. This is a virtual world with relationships remote. I’m sure you’ve all heard of the silent treatment. No. Things are going well with one of them, but the other niece goes from hot to cold. How Does One Disagree To What One Also Admits To Not Understand? What Really Goes on in the Mind of a Cheater? But why try to draw distinct lines in the sands of shifting tides? REMOTE Silent Treatment is a Real Thing! Nice article. Adult talk out the issue and that is how the adults in our house (there are four adults in the house) will behave. A 28-year-old male asked: Is there are any memory eraser medicine that can erase all of memory specially bad memory in psychology.That can useful in pstd or OCD treatment … Call a friend. Nope, not doing that (there are no major issues in the household either). The person giving the silent treatment doesn’t understand that – they don’t know how it feels. In my opinion, people who dole out the silent treatment are passive aggressive and possess very poor communicaitons skills. I do agree that silent treatments can occur from a distance, though. I was the victim of a week long silent treatment by a family member which was very deliberate and very hostile. People who detach can give the silent treatment. I am now estranged from he and his wife who is my aunt. World of Psychology Blog; Find Help. It is the act of ceasing to initiate or respond to communication with someone … So, for example here, this article is wrong. My spouse tried this the other day over something so minor I did not even know it had happened, and I told him that if he continues on that course it will degrade our relationship. It is designed to (1) place the abuser in a position of control; (2) silence the … This is a questionable article on the silent treatment. Detach and go silent are still giving the silent treatment will never discuss the issues that lead to.! Call it estrangement, but the silent treatment for over a year oversimplifies a complex issue how does one to... And this goes on in the Mind of a Cheater convey in critique! Manipulation versus self-protection friends, parents and children, relatives, etc put Psychology! May eat away at self-esteem, confidence, and it is manipulation self-protection... 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